I Still Hate You Read online

  Him.

  “He’s so cold,” I whispered, rubbing my hand up and down his arm trying to warm him up.

  “The body is cold?” the officer in front of me asked.

  I frowned. “No, my dad is cold! You’re supposed to help him! Why are you just standing there?”

  I stared at all the other empty pill bottles that surrounded him, and the empty bottle of whiskey. I didn’t get it. I just didn’t get it. None of this made any sense. “He wouldn’t do this,” I whispered one last time.

  Yeah. He wouldn’t do this. But he did. He fucking did.

  “Perrie, I know this must be completely overwhelming for you.” I slowly looked up and that’s when I noticed he was handing me a cloth napkin. Apparently, I had been crying. “We’re going to fight it. We’re going to do everything we can, that’s why we need you.”

  I suddenly flinched when a hand grabbed mine. Jacqueline. I snatched my hand away and she had the nerve to look offended. “You honestly think I’m crying over you?” She started to say something but as usual, since it involved actually speaking to me, she didn’t. “What is it?” I finally asked.

  “Lymphoma. So far, we’ve been doing treatment, but it’s not always successful. Her physicians have stated a bone marrow transplant would be best; however, because of Jacqueline’s rare blood type. Finding a donor is next to impossible.”

  “So, you’re here to ask me for mine?”

  “Precisely. We only—”

  “Do you always speak for her, or does she hate me so much that she can’t speak for herself?” I suddenly snapped. Gerald shrunk back as he looked to Jacqueline. Jacqueline looked to me, eyes welling up with tears and even still, she struggled to say something. In that moment, I willed her to say something, I deserved at least that much. She was my mom, at least she was supposed to be.

  She didn’t.

  I left.

  14

  Ash

  I can’t believe my cousin conned me into going with her to see Barbie on Ice. “You’ll love it, Barbie’s in it.” That was the hook presented to me to get me to go with her and my niece. And since I was damn near putty in my niece’s hands, well, here we are.

  I was about to look for a way out of it when I spotted Perrie across the street. At least it looked like Perrie if I squinted hard enough. I watched as she took a long swallow from the wine bottle she had. It was Perrie. I turned to Bria. “Hey, I’ll be right back.” I didn’t wait for her to respond as I ran across the street and slowed my gait as I got closer.

  “Perrie?”

  She looked at me slowly, eyes glazed over as she held up the wine bottle. “It’s empty,” she said almost in a whine.

  I crouched down in front of her. “What’s going on?”

  “Ma’am, you can’t have an open container in the park,” an officer that approached said as he took out his pad as if he was going to write her a ticket, or worse... arrest her.

  “I’ll take her home,” I rushed out.

  He glared at me. “You know this person?”

  I assured him I did, and that I would take full responsibility for her. After a few minutes, he finally nodded for us to go. We walked past Bria, and I whispered, “Something’s wrong.” She nodded in understanding as I helped Perrie walk to my bike. I paused. Could I trust her to hold on to me? I guess we would find out.

  She stared at the ground not saying anything. Finally, she slowly lifted her head, and while she had tears in her eyes, she never let them fall. “Can you take me to get a drink?”

  I nodded. That, I could do.

  Taking Perrie to a bar was out of the question, so to say she was surprised when I took her back to our place was an understatement. If I didn’t know any better, I would even say she was about to throw an epic tantrum. “Calm down, rebel, I have stuff here you can drink.” She seemed to be content with that answer.

  She followed me into the kitchen, and I pulled out a bottle of Jack from the freezer, and two cans of Coke. When I turned back around, Perrie was leaving the kitchen and heading into the living room with the bottle of Jack in her hands, the two cans of Coke be damned. Before she sat down, she had already taken one healthy long drink. I sat next to her, and we both stared at the huge screen in front of us. She handed me the bottle, and I took a shot. “Did you want to watch a movie or something?”

  She shrugged as she reached for the bottle again. I reached over her, grabbing the remote. Fuck, she smelled good, even with the alcohol undertones. I turned on the television, flipping through random channels, before finally turning on Netflix, and choosing a comedy—A Night at the Roxbury. I laughed at the fact that I selected that one since I was dressed like that in the picture I had sent her. I figured something lighthearted might be the way to go here. I watched from the corner of my eye as she took another swig of the Jack, before she moved all her hair to one side, leaving her neck exposed on my side. She was most likely feeling the warmth from the Jack. This could either be good or bad.

  She picked up the deck of cards from the coffee table and started shuffling them. She turned more to face me, and sighed, eyeing the bottle of Jack. “We have a lot of Jack to finish.” I didn’t miss the evil glint in her eyes as she held up the cards. “High or low?”

  My eyes narrowed. I could hold my liquor, but could she? “High or low?” I repeated back to her.

  “Surely, you’ve played.”

  “Oh, yes I’ve played… when I was in high school.”

  She rolled her eyes. “So, here are the rules” she started, clearly ignoring the fact that I told her I had played the game before. “If you guess wrong, then you drink. If you guess right, then I drink.”

  I might as well feign some sort of interest. I tilted my head at her suggestion. “So, either way, we’re both going to get fucked up.” I took the cards from her, shuffling them more. I placed a card down between us face up, and another card face down. The card showing was the Ten of Hearts. She watched as my hand hovered over the card, ready to flip it over. “Higher or lower, Perrie?”

  She stared at the back of the card with her brow furrowed, almost as if she was trying to see through it. She slowly licked the bottom of her lip and fuck, did I want that tongue in my mouth. She finally glanced up at me, and with a small smile, gave me her answer. “Higher.” The way she said it made her sound breathy.

  Her eyes didn’t leave mine as I flipped the card over, and we both looked down at the same time. Four of Clubs. She frowned briefly, before reaching for the Jack and taking a long swig. She reached for the cards. “My turn, higher or lower than the four?”

  I sat back, confident in myself. Besides, I had only three odds that it would be lower than the four. “Higher.”

  She flipped the card over. “Queen of Hearts.” She sighed as she took another swig. This one longer than her previous. She abruptly stood up, lifting her sweater above her head, which left her in a tight-fitting tank top. My eyes immediately went to her hardened nipples, and I did something I didn’t think I would do. I licked my lips. I licked my fucking lips.

  She held the bottle up, which was now more than half gone. “What happens when we finish this?”

  I smirked as I looked toward the kitchen. “I have Jameson.” She frowned, then stared down at the deck of cards. She was getting drunk. This is where I told myself, I should be responsible. I should get her a glass of water and put her to bed. I would even do the kind gentleman shit and stay with her until she fell asleep. Being a gentleman gets you somewhere. It gets you cool points.

  Well, fuck being a gentleman. The only thing I wanted right now was to rip that tight tank top off and suck on her tits. Those jeans that were so tight, they almost looked painted on, needed to go. I wanted to wrap my belt around her neck as I fucked her so hard, she didn’t know what to do with herself.

  “We could fuck instead.”

  I glanced up at her in shock. She had the remote in her hand, and at some point when I was fantasizing about her tits, she had flipped off
Netflix and turned on the cable. She was reading what was on the screen, softly giggling. “The names they come up with for porn.” She nodded toward the television. “But, at least this one is straight to the point, instead of something corny like Debbie Rides Hard or some shit like that. Poor Debbie, she’s done all of Dallas, what next?”

  Damn. Alcohol and porn? She really was trying to kill me. I got up and headed for the kitchen to grab the Jameson. I paused and also took a bottle of water. When I came back into the living room, she was gone. Okay, good, she went to bed. I looked down the hall and saw her just before she went into my bedroom.

  I subtly followed as I tried to hide my hardened cock. I peered into the room, and she was looking at my things. “I was curious. I always wanted to know what your room looked like. I always planned to take a peek when you weren’t here, yet never did. I guess I’m afraid of what I would find.”

  I cleared my throat as I stepped into the room. “Like what?”

  She crossed her arms as she leaned one hip against the dresser. “Yeah, I don’t know. A closet full of awards for gigolos or something I guess.” I laughed as I walked closer to her, placing the water next to her. She looked at it for a long moment as if it were foreign. “You remember how we met?”

  I nodded sitting next to her on the dresser. “Yeah, physics class at the university. You were the only one that knew what the hell you were doing.”

  She shook her head. “No, before that.”

  I paused. “We didn’t meet before that.”

  She sighed rolling her eyes as she headed for the door. “Wait right here.”

  Not knowing where she was going with this, I did as she asked. She came back a few minutes later with something in her hand.

  Looking down at it, I finally recognized what it was. “You have my yearbook?” I reached for the book but she slapped my hand away.

  “No. I have my yearbook.” She opened it and flipped to the senior section until she found what she was looking for. As she flipped, the memories of high school came back to me. I pulled the yearbook closer. “Man, I remember that game. We killed them that night.”

  She sighed impatiently as she pointed to a picture. I finally looked over at what she was pointing at though it didn’t hold my attention. I started to turn the page but she stopped me.

  “That’s me.”

  I laughed as I looked closer. “No it’s not.”

  She turned to the index from the back of the book, pointed to a name, then went back to the page number it listed. I looked closer and shook my head, “No, no that’s… I think her name was...” I paused as I looked to the ceiling to think. “It was some kind of fruit they called her. Mango? Star fruit?” I snapped my fingers, it was on the top of my tongue. “Pineapple? They called her pineapple I think.” I looked to her clearly proud of myself but the pissed off look she gave me definitely made it clear I didn’t get a gold star for my answer.

  She gasped as if she was offended by my answer and picked up the yearbook and threw it at me. I barely ducked out of the way as the book flew into the wall before skidding across the floor with a few pages flying out.

  “Not pineapple!” she yelled, and my eyes widened. As odd as it was that she was pissed right now, she surely looked adorable. “Perrie. My name is Perrie!” Realizing she was shouting, she finally lowered her voice. “Sometimes called Pear.” She took a deep breath before continuing, “I was the equipment manager at that high school.” She motioned toward the book on the floor. “I was only there a year. In that one year, I watched you walk around that school like a king. You were nice to me, sometimes, and it was something I needed, especially at that time,” she said in a whisper. I waited for her to elaborate but she didn’t.

  I looked at her and the photo in the yearbook. It all came rushing back. High school had her with glasses and bleach-blond hair that always covered her face as if she were hiding from something or someone. She barely spoke but when she did, you stopped to listen. Her words were always thought out and subjective as if she had firsthand experience with whatever was being talked about. Maybe she did. Maybe that’s why I liked her.

  She shut her eyes briefly before meeting my gaze. “I looked very different then. From the horrible bleached hair, down to the glasses. I only dyed my hair to change my look, to at least try to look like someone,” she said with a faraway look in her eye. “Didn’t work, just left me with overprocessed straw-looking hair.” Yeah, she was right. Looking at her now, gone was the horrible overprocessed bleached hair, and the thick framed glasses she used to hide behind.

  “So why that look then? Who were you trying to look like?”

  She waved her hand as if it was nothing. “Just my sister.” She awkwardly laughed before glancing at me.

  I remember. I remember why we bonded. We both lost someone. My sister, her sister and her dad. We never fully talked about it because there was no need. We both felt the same pain, and we both were tired of people apologizing for their death as if they knew them or if it was their fault.

  “I didn’t mean to bring up old memories but you should know they were good memories for the most part, so thank you for that,” she said as she stood up and stretched. “Ugh, I dampened the mood and killed my buzz.” She looked at me and smiled. “Anyway, goodnight, Ashley,” she said before getting up and strolling out. My attention went to the ringing phone on the dresser and I looked at it. It wasn’t mine that I knew, but the name Felix showing up as the name calling did nothing but piss me off as I hit reject.

  Perrie came stumbling back in. “Did I leave my phone?” I handed it to her and she glanced at it frowning. She heavily sighed. “I should go to my room.”

  “I can walk you,” I quietly whispered.

  “Pretty sure I can get there on my own.”

  I closed the rest of the distance between us. “You and I both know you’re in no condition to walk by yourself.”

  Her eyes bulged. Her expression quickly changed to that of anger, and she jabbed her index finger to my chest. “You don’t tell me what to do!” I smiled. Oh, this was going to be fun.

  Before she could say anything else, I pulled her to me, crashing my lips to her mouth. She started to push me away, but quickly stopped when she realized I wasn’t letting her go. Her sounds of protest quickly turned into moans. I bucked against her, and she gasped. My hands went under her tank, up to the swell of her breasts, and she moaned the minute my thumb rubbed over her nipples. She screamed out as I pinched them harder.

  I didn’t know I wanted Perrie as badly as I did, right then and there. All the years she was within my reach but made sure to maintain her distance was finally building up in me, and right now I had one goal, and one goal only. To claim her.

  15

  Perrie

  I managed to sneak out of Ash’s room in the morning before he woke up. I can’t believe I slept with him... again. That was the one thing I told myself would not happen, and yet here I am wanting and willingly.

  Stupid.

  Stupid.

  Stupid.

  As soon as I got to work, I stared at my phone before finally sending him a hasty text then throwing the phone in my bag, not even bothering to read his message back to me.

  Me: Sorry about last night. I think last night was a moment of weakness.

  It was three hours later when I finally glanced at my phone.

  Ash: If that’s what you want to call it, then sure.

  Me: It won’t happen again.

  Ash: K

  I rolled my eyes as I shoved the phone back in my bag. I guess he’s fine with it.

  Getting home late, I was almost excited to actually see Ash. Maybe I’d tell him how ridiculous I am, although I think he already knows it. I had barely walked in the door when I heard it—a female giggling. It came from the common area. Deciding to be nosy, I crept over to the door and peeked out seeing Ash and some girl. I sighed as I closed the door and leaned back against it. He can do and fuck anyone he wanted, but did
he have to do it the night after he and I hooked up? Granted, I had no say in the matter and definitely had no right to be jealous.

  But I was, and I hated him for it. For the next two weeks, that’s exactly how it went. Him and the girl of the night playing how loud they could get, and Felix… well, Felix was lucky if he could last five minutes. I made the mistake of suggesting a toy or two. He acted offended, saying he was all I would need and that’s it. He stormed out and I haven’t seen him since. Not that it mattered, and I surely didn’t care. Granted, I was this close to bringing up Sextee again, just for fun at least.

  Not wanting to be home tonight for Ash’s latest conquest, I headed to Tea Lites, my favorite tea place. I was tired. My feet were tired from the ridiculous shoes I made myself wear, and my back was sore. Everything hurt.

  I smiled going to the register when I saw Gwen, the owner of Tea Lites, taking orders. “Hey, Pear, you’re here later than usual.”

  I sighed. “Tell me about it.”

  “The usual?” I nodded as I stood to the side and waited for my order to be made. “How are the twins?”

  Her eyes lit up as she prepared my sandwich, “Ornery. Of course, their father lets them get away with everything. We’ll see how they act when this other one comes along.” She patted her belly and my eyes widened.

  “Congratulations.” Of course, if I had a husband as hot as Gwen’s, I would be pregnant year-round too.

  Finally sitting at my favorite table, I rubbed my neck as I allowed my food to cool a bit and thought about the meeting I recently had with Jacqueline and Gerald.

  Gerald was being nominated for County Commissioner. Of course, to get those votes, he had to open his closet to see what skeletons he was willing to let the public know. I was that skeleton. And what a wonderful story for everyone if the daughter they pretended they didn’t have came swooping in to save her mom’s life with her bone marrow, and then they all lived happily ever after.